Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
