turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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