I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
