Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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