Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
