On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
