How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
