singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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