So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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