I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
