oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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