It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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