I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
