It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
