Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
