So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
