She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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