put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
