Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
