He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
