How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
