Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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