how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
