but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
