after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
