The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
