Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
