im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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