I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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