So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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