we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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