no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
