Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
