I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
