so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
