Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
