dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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