the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
