Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
