i was born a porn star she said
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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