I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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