I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
