As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
