Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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