We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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