I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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