i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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