Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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