My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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