No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Houston, we have a blender
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
