So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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