I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
