just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
