I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
