I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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