so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
