I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
