theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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