I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
