If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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