I bet he comes in French.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
