She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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