You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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