Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
