bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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