Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
