Can Purell be used as lube?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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