Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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