The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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