Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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