Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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