I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
