i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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