Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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