update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
