Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
