I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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