FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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