he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
