I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
