i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
